Misunderstood Instructions Gifts

"This is not what I thought you meant by 'Come to our ATV program!'"

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"Your assets will be frozen? Oh, boy, is it going to snow?"

"I thought the 'Internet of Things' was about fridges and toasters!"

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

"Let me guess: Step two, add sand."

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

"I think I've spotted your problem."

'Mrs. Peterson. . . Sgt. O'Leary here, I'm afraid there's been an accident and your husband is in a comma.'

'Okay I'll admit you do look foolish but on positive side you were only one letter out!'

'I feel awful. Coach was clutching his throat and turning blue, but I thought it was the 'bunt' sign.'

'...and then, when I asked if I could see her home, she showed me a photograph of her house.'

"'Sideboard'? I thought it said 'sideboob'."

"Don't cry this time, it is off putting."

"It happens every time we get a new piece of equipment...He won't invest the time to study the instructions and it ends in disaster."

"Are you mad at me or just chewing tobacco?"

'You idiot, I said 'ark', not 'park'.'

'I sincerely thank you for your concern, but I'm only setting up a swing.'

'Connect insert A, B, and C into slots D, E, and F. Tighten using assembly tool G. What in the H are they talking about?'

"My audio is okay, but my video is kind of sore"

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect the glasses?'

Four days later, it occurred to Geoff that he may have been taking the 'lather, rinse, repeat' instructions too literally.

'He must be pleased with me. He's wagging his finger.'

"Will you pull your stupid pants up? This is a RETINAL scanner you idiot."

'What do you mean, 'No warranty??' The user manual does not say that I can't send a Cappuccino by email!'

"Can I help you find or lose something?"

we take plastic - "The sign doesn't mean we take plastic coins."

"Remember, it's dong after ding except when it's bling. Then it's bong."

"Apologetics does not mean saying sorry."

"I'd like you to hop up and down on one foot and perhaps sing a little childhood ditty."

'What do you mean overdrawn...I still have twelve cheques left!'