Manual Misinterpreter Gifts

'What do you mean, 'No warranty??' The user manual does not say that I can't send a Cappuccino by email!'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Love at First Sight

"My guess it's guacamole."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

IKEA Book

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

'Wellington!...Come take a look at this!...I've never seen anything like it!...Some sort of early sun worship etching perhaps!'

"I learned that Moses partied on the Red Sea today."

"Call the fire department!"

"And I'm telling YOU it looks exactly like the picture. See?"

Room for Error

While singing the popular song, Clay was disturbed to discover that his thigh bone wasn't connected to his hip bone, that it was, in fact, connected to nothing.

'Mrs. Peterson. . . Sgt. O'Leary here, I'm afraid there's been an accident and your husband is in a comma.'

'Okay I'll admit you do look foolish but on positive side you were only one letter out!'

'I feel awful. Coach was clutching his throat and turning blue, but I thought it was the 'bunt' sign.'

'...and then, when I asked if I could see her home, she showed me a photograph of her house.'

"Look, told ya – it’s a Romney poster!"

"That isn't what the doctor meant by 'push fluids'."

"Till now I always thought of the gravy train as a good thing."

'And here you can see one of the incredibly boring amusement park rides that were so beloved in the 20th century.'

"Are you mad at me or just chewing tobacco?"

"My audio is okay, but my video is kind of sore"

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect the glasses?'

"Step one: Attach steel beam (A) to polished concrete slab (B)."

'It says 'two teaspoons 400 times a day'...'

"Can I help you find or lose something?"

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! The Senate. They tried AGAIN to repeal Obamacare, this time by hiding it in the tax bill. When's it going to stop? It's so repetitive. This reminds me of "Groundhog Day," that film where that lovely Mr. Bill Murray went from having a great personality to being a horrible loser. Um ... I don't think that's what you were supposed to take from the movie. There is one adorable deleted scene with a chainsaw. It's on the Youtube.

"I want them to lay boiled eggs."

"Apologetics does not mean saying sorry."

Pictionary at the Rorschachs'.

"Phil had no idea what he was talking about."

'We bought this one to help figure out the operating manual for that one over there.'

Danaelect: 'Things would be a lot easier if everyone had the decency to speak the same language!'