Misinterpretation Master Gifts

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect the glasses?'

"Can I help you find or lose something?"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Love at First Sight

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

"My guess it's guacamole."

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

"I accidentally shredded an important document, so I'm trying to piece it back together. It should only take a few years."

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

Communication Breakdowns

'I hate to tell you... it's not 'amber waves of gain'.'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

Clancy: Around here we call that progress!

'Wellington!...Come take a look at this!...I've never seen anything like it!...Some sort of early sun worship etching perhaps!'

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

'It hasn't been a complete failure - we've learned volumes about falling.'

'She's throwing a dinner party - Just for me...'

"I learned that Moses partied on the Red Sea today."

'Did you see my ball come by here?'

'I'm afraid you've got the wrong department.'

"No...I said aperitif!!"

'Mrs. Peterson. . . Sgt. O'Leary here, I'm afraid there's been an accident and your husband is in a comma.'

'I feel awful. Coach was clutching his throat and turning blue, but I thought it was the 'bunt' sign.'

"That isn't what the doctor meant by 'push fluids'."

'...and then, when I asked if I could see her home, she showed me a photograph of her house.'

"Look, told ya – it’s a Romney poster!"

"Till now I always thought of the gravy train as a good thing."

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

"Are you mad at me or just chewing tobacco?"

'And here you can see one of the incredibly boring amusement park rides that were so beloved in the 20th century.'

"My audio is okay, but my video is kind of sore"

Naive to its unconventional approach, Wyatt is victimized by the rare and elusive Mumble Bee.

'Covid airborne'.

'What? You said court-appropriate attire!'

'Personnel said I should see you about getting into the office pool.'