Mixing Misinterpreter Gifts

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Love at First Sight

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"My guess it's guacamole."

'Wellington!...Come take a look at this!...I've never seen anything like it!...Some sort of early sun worship etching perhaps!'

"I learned that Moses partied on the Red Sea today."

"And I'm telling YOU it looks exactly like the picture. See?"

While singing the popular song, Clay was disturbed to discover that his thigh bone wasn't connected to his hip bone, that it was, in fact, connected to nothing.

'Mrs. Peterson. . . Sgt. O'Leary here, I'm afraid there's been an accident and your husband is in a comma.'

'Okay I'll admit you do look foolish but on positive side you were only one letter out!'

"Look, told ya – it’s a Romney poster!"

'...and then, when I asked if I could see her home, she showed me a photograph of her house.'

'Crank it up, dude! I wanna see smoke comin' out of this thing.'

"That isn't what the doctor meant by 'push fluids'."

"Till now I always thought of the gravy train as a good thing."

"Are you mad at me or just chewing tobacco?"

'And here you can see one of the incredibly boring amusement park rides that were so beloved in the 20th century.'

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect the glasses?'

'What do you mean, 'No warranty??' The user manual does not say that I can't send a Cappuccino by email!'

'It says 'two teaspoons 400 times a day'...'

'Employment service? I asked for keypunchers, not cowpunchers!'

"Can I help you find or lose something?"

Pictionary at the Rorschachs'.

"This manga was on the bottom shelf!" "That's a mango."

"Phil had no idea what he was talking about."

'I like to do a lot of business on the crazy golf course...'

"I'm sorry, but I heard it as 'build a park'!"

"Yes, this is Mr. Potus ...no, not the President of the United States."