Misunderstood Philosopher Pillows

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

Reverse psychology

Beyond the known and the unknown.

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'Do you have anything for absent-mindedness?'

"...I want to find out whether there's any truth in the belief that money can't buy happiness."

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"It Works For Us."

Palm Reader...

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

Lost and forgotten department

National #@*&%!$@? Tourettes Institute *&%!$

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"Oh my God -- I just remembered I can fly."

Elderly man at top of stairs with a revolver and an axe: 'I've completely forgotten why I came upstairs.'

I lactate, therefore I am.