Mistaken Identity Enthusiast Pillows

To: Rudy Park. From: Lemont Brown. Hey Rudy, it's me. Long time no talk. How are you these days? Lemont? From Berkeley? Tap tap tap tap. Yeah. Man … Putnam Hall 1993. Those were the days. What ever happened to our roommate Ken? Tap tap tap tap tap tap. Divided Airlines. Divided Airlines. You know, that freak who was always writing articles about "news" and junk for the school paper ... That MORON who didn't know a Gameboy from a GameGear ... That big baby whose mommy was always calling to check

Man mistakes portable table for a church confessional.

'When you said you'd introduce me to a real 'Amazon woman'...'

'... and then Peter was Mr. McGregor...'

'You were right - it WASN'T a cat with a racing stripe.'

'My imaginary playmate can whip your imaginary playmate!'

"Yup, pretty sure that was a flying squirrel."

"Peter Parker is Spiderman! Clark Kent is Superman!! Bruce Wayne is Batman!"

"I'm Rapunzel. You want Juliet – next tower over."

Incognito Bonito - 'I don't know me, but I do know you!'

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

"Are you feeling okay, Dennis? Your obituary is in the paper."

"Actually, Sally, my name isn't Mrs. Santa Claus... It's Barb. I'm not defined by my husband."

Which One is Pulling Out?

"There's corporate me and there's me, and, by God, we both know how to have fun."

". . . But, hey, man, I just want to say this in all sincerity, man, that you are the greatest, man, you the el numero uno cat in my book, man you. . ."

Secret Identity Theft.

Happy-Go-Lucky-Father-Of-Two-Avid-Golfer-Longtime-Magnetic-Tape-Salesman-Kiwanis-Member or Thomas Pynchon?

'My Goodness! All these years George and I never guessed you were a superhero.'

'Hang on a minute - you're not my husband!'

"It's cooties."

"I'll tell you my gender if you tell me yours."

"Which one more says 'Cool Guy?'"

"Sorry, I don't work here."

181 yeard old, huh? This is the worst fake I.D. I've ever seen. And that beard! Ha! Nice try, Mr.... Uhh... 'Van Winkle.'

'Didn't I read your last book, find it absolutely disgusting and vow never to read another, or was that someone else?'

'He needs a domain name.'

"Which one of us is me?"

'You haven't much experience in plant conservation, have you Winthorpe?'

Frankenstein "Damn it! Not another ethic origin questionaire"

Name

"Elves, Jerry, I asked for elves."

Millennial

Big deal - give her the one from that screwball who came in last week.