Misidentification Enthusiast Pillows

'Based on its red shift, we thought it was a quasi-stellar object in deep space. It turned out to be a jet going to Russia via the Polar route.'

A Vase has fallen on a cat's head. Are mice to blame?

"Yup, pretty sure that was a flying squirrel."

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

"My guess it's guacamole."

"I'm Rapunzel. You want Juliet – next tower over."

'I'm a perfect little angel while I'm asleep. It's being awake that causes me trouble.'

'This is going to be good, he's taking water balloons into the board meeting.'

-'Okay Rebel, find the drugs.' -'Are you kidding? There's dirty underwear here!'

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

Incognito Bonito - 'I don't know me, but I do know you!'

"If the jumper cables don't work, I'll pour more motor oil on the keys."

'How do people without a middle name know when the're in trouble?'

"There's corporate me and there's me, and, by God, we both know how to have fun."

"Actually, Sally, my name isn't Mrs. Santa Claus... It's Barb. I'm not defined by my husband."

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

'Wellington!...Come take a look at this!...I've never seen anything like it!...Some sort of early sun worship etching perhaps!'

"It feeds blood to our brains...and that makes us smarter!"

Secret Identity Theft.

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

"Over the river and through a ridiculous detour that has us in the middle of who-knows-where, to Grandfather’s house we go!"

'I just faxed my tie to our Des Moines office.'

Happy-Go-Lucky-Father-Of-Two-Avid-Golfer-Longtime-Magnetic-Tape-Salesman-Kiwanis-Member or Thomas Pynchon?

'I said, 'Left after the bunny slope! Left!'.'

Parisian Misguided Tours.

'My Goodness! All these years George and I never guessed you were a superhero.'

"Doreen, the cat's after the parrot again!"

Restroom Practical Joke.

"I'll tell you my gender if you tell me yours."

"Mom is pretty certain I'm on my third guardian angel by now."

"Which one more says 'Cool Guy?'"

"Sorry, I don't work here."

'Hang on a minute - you're not my husband!'

"It's hard to trust those Beanbirds. They're always 'up' to something!"

"You threw the wrench again, didn't you?"