Misidentification Enthusiast Pillows

'Based on its red shift, we thought it was a quasi-stellar object in deep space. It turned out to be a jet going to Russia via the Polar route.'

A Vase has fallen on a cat's head. Are mice to blame?

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

"Yup, pretty sure that was a flying squirrel."

"My guess it's guacamole."

"I'm Rapunzel. You want Juliet – next tower over."

'I'm a perfect little angel while I'm asleep. It's being awake that causes me trouble.'

'This is going to be good, he's taking water balloons into the board meeting.'

-'Okay Rebel, find the drugs.' -'Are you kidding? There's dirty underwear here!'

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

Incognito Bonito - 'I don't know me, but I do know you!'

"If the jumper cables don't work, I'll pour more motor oil on the keys."

"Actually, Sally, my name isn't Mrs. Santa Claus... It's Barb. I'm not defined by my husband."

'How do people without a middle name know when the're in trouble?'

"There's corporate me and there's me, and, by God, we both know how to have fun."

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

'I just faxed my tie to our Des Moines office.'

'Wellington!...Come take a look at this!...I've never seen anything like it!...Some sort of early sun worship etching perhaps!'

"It feeds blood to our brains...and that makes us smarter!"

Parisian Misguided Tours.

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

"Over the river and through a ridiculous detour that has us in the middle of who-knows-where, to Grandfather’s house we go!"

Happy-Go-Lucky-Father-Of-Two-Avid-Golfer-Longtime-Magnetic-Tape-Salesman-Kiwanis-Member or Thomas Pynchon?

"Doreen, the cat's after the parrot again!"

Restroom Practical Joke.

'My Goodness! All these years George and I never guessed you were a superhero.'

'Hang on a minute - you're not my husband!'

"Mom is pretty certain I'm on my third guardian angel by now."

"Sorry, I don't work here."

"You threw the wrench again, didn't you?"

"It's hard to trust those Beanbirds. They're always 'up' to something!"

"Which one more says 'Cool Guy?'"

'No, no, I've gone through all the steps in the procedure and I don't see anything about totally immersing yourself in oil before starting the job!!