Misconception Humorist Gifts

"No, not Yale. A fork in the road."

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

"I'm Rapunzel. You want Juliet – next tower over."

"No, a dressing down day isn't an opportunity to bollock the staff."

"I meant the dog!"

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

Game time.

"Are you blushing?!"

Unknown historical typos: Isaac Newton presser, 1687

'Boy, plastic flowers these days are so lifelike: I've been fooled again...'

'I told you you were missing a decimal point in you dynamite calculations.'

Arresting Adam and Eve

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

"In science class, we learned that a solar eclipse is not due to a rolling blackout."

After years of chasing and fighting they discovered it was all just a misunderstanding.

"For the last time, 'port' is left, 'starboard' is right!"

"This is not what I meant when I said 'let's chill'."

'Deputy, I asked 'when are you going to a restaurant?' Not 'arrest your aunt'.'

"I knew it, there is an autocorrect demon!"

"And now for the 'piece de resistance!'"

"Unfortunately, what we thought to be the black box turned out to be the navy blue box"

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

'Not that sort of pool party.'

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

"I thought you said you were dating a rich doctor!"

'It's a very common plant on earth.'

'When you said the tractor was down, I thought...'

"OK, you're right. It does say take 2 tablets by mouth."

"Snake eyes again!"

'I could have sworn you asked if I wanted to go to the saloon.'

"When he was yelling stroke, stroke, stroke...I just thought he was counting!"