Misconception Humorist Gifts

"No, not Yale. A fork in the road."

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

"I'm Rapunzel. You want Juliet – next tower over."

"No, a dressing down day isn't an opportunity to bollock the staff."

"I meant the dog!"

Game time.

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

No! I said a 100-foot Piazza!

"Are you blushing?!"

Unknown historical typos: Isaac Newton presser, 1687

Arresting Adam and Eve

'Boy, plastic flowers these days are so lifelike: I've been fooled again...'

'I told you you were missing a decimal point in you dynamite calculations.'

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

"In science class, we learned that a solar eclipse is not due to a rolling blackout."

First attempt at the Big Bang

After years of chasing and fighting they discovered it was all just a misunderstanding.

'Deputy, I asked 'when are you going to a restaurant?' Not 'arrest your aunt'.'

"For the last time, 'port' is left, 'starboard' is right!"

"This is not what I meant when I said 'let's chill'."

"And now for the 'piece de resistance!'"

"Unfortunately, what we thought to be the black box turned out to be the navy blue box"

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

"I knew it, there is an autocorrect demon!"

'Not that sort of pool party.'

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

"I thought you said you were dating a rich doctor!"

'When you said the tractor was down, I thought...'

'It's a very common plant on earth.'

"OK, you're right. It does say take 2 tablets by mouth."

When you said it was a place with women and a bar I didn't think you meant a ballet class.

"Snake eyes again!"

'I could have sworn you asked if I wanted to go to the saloon.'

"When he was yelling stroke, stroke, stroke...I just thought he was counting!"