Misunderstanding Humorist Gifts

'Not that sort of pool party.'

"I happen to be a doctor of music,madam."

"When he was yelling stroke, stroke, stroke...I just thought he was counting!"

'There's a scout outside to see you.' - 'Great.'

"What I actually said was that wearing jeans with turn ups was the in look this year."

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

"It said on the tin 'put on 2 coats'..."

"No, I didn't say the Euro was up, I said the gyro was up. The deli raised their prices fifty cents."

"Are you blushing?!"

No! I said a 100-foot Piazza!

"Me? A bum? Why, no. I just love trains."

'When you said the tractor was down, I thought...'

'It's a very common plant on earth.'

"No, I meant 'Duck'!"

Laser Tag Fun. . . Taser Tag. . . A Harsh Typo?

"Where's the best place to get a nose piercing?"

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

Polly txt speak

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

I will study my speling words...

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'