Misinterpreted Humor Enthusiast Gifts

Library. Ernie, the book on the fall of the Roman empire is not a collection of autumn foliage pictures from lands that were controlled by Julius Caesar.

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Support the Ex-Troops

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

Police Feline Unit

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

Torturing the English Language

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Pretty Flowers

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

Cariactures

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

Selling lemon latt�

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

Speed Dating for Turtles