Deception Humorist Gifts

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"My latest sighting turned out to be just another weather balloon."

Turtle Hat

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"I meant the dog!"

The life of penguins.

Exit. I never get tired of watching them fall for that.

'The Board's meeting at nine O'clock - you bring the smoke, I'll bring the mirrors.'

"It's a setup."

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

'I told you you were missing a decimal point in you dynamite calculations.'

'Boy, plastic flowers these days are so lifelike: I've been fooled again...'

'He's a cheat I tell you - it's just a trick!'

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'

Unknown historical typos: Isaac Newton presser, 1687

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

After years of chasing and fighting they discovered it was all just a misunderstanding.

'Deputy, I asked 'when are you going to a restaurant?' Not 'arrest your aunt'.'

'Not bad idea! But no quit day job.'

"I knew it, there is an autocorrect demon!"

Yes, you are speaking to Grandma.

"This is not what I meant when I said 'let's chill'."

"See...polystyrene!"

"For the last time, 'port' is left, 'starboard' is right!"

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

'Aaaaaaaaawwwwww!'

"They're not home.."

How to throw your voice: 'I am guilty. I did it. I confess.'

When you said it was a place with women and a bar I didn't think you meant a ballet class.

"OK, you're right. It does say take 2 tablets by mouth."

"He's not a big, bad wolf, Gramps - he's a predatory insurance agent!"

Stealth grazing.