Mini Director Gifts

'Don't just stand there, get into focus!'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

Showbiz Awards

James Bond in a Snow Globe

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Director/Action Man toy.

Benedict Cumberbatch

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Baby Piano

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Golfing Boss

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

Bo're'droom

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

'What a drive! Our boy's going to go a long, long way.'

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

'He had a meteoric rise to the top.'