Mini Detective Gifts

'It's all part of a diabolical plot to get me to do my homework!'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'I'd love to tell who did it, but I'm protecting my source.'

'Jimmy takes these Easter Egg hunts very seriously.'

'It's just homework...there's no conspiracy.'

"Okay, but before I tell you who broke the window I'll have to check you're not wearing a wire."

A boy acting suspiciously

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

* For latent content, see your psychiatrist.

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'There's really no need for confusion. Part 95 of section 33 of Article L in the contract clearly states ...'

Who stole my candy?

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'Your father installed a security system.'

'... Because it's the law! That's why!'

"First buttons, then zippers, now we learn to tie our shoes. Is mom trying to tell us something?"

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

It's always the same dream. I'm in therapy, analyzing my recurring dream.

He's mumbling again! What do you think husbands dream about?

'Wait a minute! I think our line has been tapped.'

Kid to mom: 'How come I ask so many questions?'

'Did you see who pushed you?'

'How do you measure the success of your blog?'

'Mom, I swear it wasn't me! I didn't touch the cookies!'

"Wake up, Jane! There's a giant talking squirrel at the end of your bed!"

'-But,son they couldn't put a horse in a box THAT size, could they?

'Please be quiet while the attempts to locate your head.'

For latent content, see your psychiatrist.

'My theory is he's faking sleep in order to get the $50 for the study.'

'I gather this is your first sting operation.'

"I think oral sex is when they just talk about it."

"I've never met one, but I hear offices have fire drills."

"Well, who's it from? I don't take blind submissions."