Millennial Musings Pillows

"My life has been totally screwed up for years, but thus far no one has stepped forward to claim responsibility."

"Fabric softener, chain restaurants, divorce—you millennials are killing everything. I'm impressed."

"Ha! This younger is so absorbed in social media that he cannot appreciate his youth, unlike I, aging millennial, who cannot appreciate his thirties."

"But...I didn't even get my participation trophy! It's not fair!"

Politically Correct Snowperson

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

Fur Baby

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

Meticulously prepared, locally sourced food served on artifacts of a romanticized industrial past, by people who take their fashion cues from daguerreotypes, to adults whose parents still pay their rent.

"We added it just for the millenials."

"Yeah, I want a neck tat with gothic lettering that says, 'Welcome to a career in the fast food service industry.'"

"I moved to the Internet to be closer to my children."

"Avocado...t-toast..."

"Having bitten the apple I think we should cover our phones with fig-leaves."

"Things were really different when I was growing up. Childhoods today are much longer."

Man bun tending

Captain Millennial

Fables for the Millennial.

"Hurry, son! The economy is almost at full employment! Better get a job before they're all gone!"

"I think we have mice in the walls."

"I'm sorry, Dave. You lost me after the first 140 words."

"No, no, no! You're, like, 'I really, really, really love you,' and you're, like, 'Whatever.' "

Millennial

"I just saw a hipster age perceptibly."

"Emotional support person or not, you cannot bring your Mom to work."

Metamorphosis: Nature's Magnificent Reveal

Crybaby Millennials

"If the average attention span is 8 seconds, why are most commercials 30 seconds?"

Dumpster Chic....Hipster Chic.

"And though he was but one, young Zach could fearlessly cancel with the strength of many."

"I love Millennials. Instead of a company car, we just give them a skateboard."

Rosemary's Baby Turns Twenty-Seven

"I literally don't even remember what we do here."