Milk Mishap Appreciator Gifts

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

'Mom, the donut is drinking my milk!'

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

'I didn't want to get the napkin messy.'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

Spilled Milk

"I think the milk's off!"

'A lot of my stories involve milk.'

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

Take me to your lactator!

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

"Mum, the milk's trying to escape!"

'I've never heard of a lactose intolerant cow!'

"Do you know what kind of bees make milk? Boo-Bees."

The Magic Float

"You butt dialed me 187 times in less that an hour, dad."

Baby drinking competition

'I used to have women lined up. Married, unmarried - it didn't matter. Ah, forget it. Another round. Skim.'

The statue of Lactity.

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

"I remember the days of skim, 1% and even 2%. Now, it's right to the whole milk section."

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

The miracle of genetic engineering

Job Safety - Lunch.

'If he says 'got milk', I'm gonna bite.

'Miaow??'

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

"Two per cent."

"I'll have a latte - hold the coffee."

'I guess I get a good deal. I give him the milk and he burps it over dad's shoulder.'

COWS: Cow Blackmail

'I couldn't give up fags, so I've started drinking long-life milk.'