Military Funeral Gifts

"So I'm flying over this funeral, and six men point their rifles at me and start shooting."

'I have to play taps in 5 minutes and I cannot find the CD.'

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

Servicemen.

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

WW2 fighter pilot with emoji kills

HDQTRS division, Motor Pool and Covert Ops.

Military Medals

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

He looks so natural lying there...

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

"All we have left is standing room only."

'He loved that dog.'

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

'There's too much corruption in the third world.'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"Weather like this plagued my retreat from Moscow."

Monuments

Trump

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

'He was a great writer'

'I was in the catering corps.'

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

'At ease, soldier.'

"The crash-test rating on this puppy is off the charts!"

The dress uniform of the Catering Corps

"Remember when we had to get along on twenty-one dollars a month!"

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

Thank you to those who never came home and to those who never left their side.

Filling the Missile Gap

"But I won't bore you with the all too familiar story of a dictator's rise to absolute power,"