Milestones Gifts

Congratulations you can no longer die young.

'If life begins at forty, why do they let us leave school twenty four years early?'

'Darling, what do you think? Our baby's learnt to tie his shoelaces!'

I imagine at your age, you attend a lot of funerals, Sadie. Oh, yes, they're quite lovely. As a child, I attended birthday parties. As a lass, I attended sweet sixteens. As a young adult, I attended weddings. As a mature woman, I attended retirement parties. Now, in the twilight of life, I attend funerals. "Deathday" parties, if you will. And it's beautiful. Because it's all come full circle? Because for once, I don't have to buy the %$&*@ a gift.

The End is Near. It's my 50th anniversary on this corner.

Turned 30

Happy 18th Birthday!

'21 Today - he wants the key of the door...'

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

Baldo fantasizes the Boys Department becomes the Men's Department after his first kiss with Smiley.

50th Birthday Balloons

A man holding balloons shaped like '41'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

"Sign my yearbook?"

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"One year closer to college!"

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

Pilot with champagne.

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

Gary turns 40.

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

Pearly King and Queen

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"Careful."

Do you think I'm sixty?

One!

An old man exercising with hourglasses

Babies first words are 'Take me to your leader'

'I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed-fit!'

Old Wine in an Old Bottle