Mile Hoarder Gifts

'As a general rule of thumb, if your only assets are your frequent flyer miles, you don't need to create a trust for your children.'

"I fly so often, not only am I accumulating miles, I'm actually starting to sprout wings."

'That's our mission statement.'

AA Meeting Here Today

Shoe addict.

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

'Being stuck on a desert island is one thing, but being struck on a desert island with a hoarder...'

"Hi honey, do we need anything for the junk drawer?"

"Buckle up. We're in the midst of an unprecedented breadcrumb recession."

"My father said I was too big for my britches!"

"I don't think you're getting the point of this exercise."

'This isn't my closet - this is my room.'

"Mother, take your time, I know this isn’t easy for you. But this is an important moment in our lives, so I will ask you one more time, what on earth did you do with my old comic books?!"

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

Computer announces to user: 'You now have more files than Al Capone had under his pillow in Alcatraz.'

Santa with a bag of toys and a bag of batteries for toys.

Inserts

Colin liked to keep up with all the very latest technologies

'In other news, gold is headed higher, according to some fool who's put every last dollar into gold stocks and futures.'

'Yes Ma'am, I do pick up unwanted hives.'

'Are you eligible to join 'Miser' the high accrue society?'

"Aside from the hours of DVR'ed shows you have yet to watch, what else keeps you together?"

"You know what I want for our twentieth anniversary? A Dumpster."

"What could I do? It jumped off the newsstand."

'If I had a nickel for every time I was mistaken for him, I wouldn't have to work. Now, hand over all of your AA batteries.'

"So where have you been?"

"I will not buy a fridge magnet. . ."

"The last bottle we bought on vacation. I hate to come home and consume all our memories."

'I think you've been spending too much time in the greenhouse.'

Man with meat getting chased by dogs

'I saved all my pennies in a jar, and do you know what I had after five years?'

Toilet Paper Inheritance

Discovering who steals all the pens in the office.

'Over there! Isn't that my missing ceramic frying pan?'