Midnight Worrier Gifts

"It's too late to worry anymore tonight, I'll get up early tomorrow."

A Hole in the Dike

"Why is it always me that has to get up just as I'm falling asleep to do things I forgot."

I.T. Fear

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

I hate monday mornings.

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

Typical...the weather is lousy all week...then on the weekend it's too sunny to work.

Separation Anxiety

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

'Ten things you should be worried about.'

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

Monster Realtor

Weather reporter feels guilty every time it rains.

"We have to recognise that severe weather events are becoming more common. . ."

'I'm not convinced you need tranquillizers to switch phone provider.'

"...went to sleep. And then Mr. Donkey became very quiet and drowsy and he went to sleep. And then Miss Mouse became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then Mrs. Bear became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then..."

"I can't stop thinking about all those available parking spaces back on West Eighty-fifth Street."

Nervous Kid sees the dentist's toolkit.

"I know there's safety in numbers, but I suffer from enochlophobia: Can you help me?"

"Hurry up and pick that lock. I'm hungry and it's freezing out here."

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"What do you mean 'no way'?"

'He heard the question, Reverend. He's sleeping on it.'

"I woke up early, took a shower, got dressed for work then remembered I don't work today."

"The cause of your illness is the approaching winter."

"With rain in nearly every forecast, probably because of global warming, you know what's coming...so officially, we are now News & Sports at Six."

'Read that part again where it predicts a cold, snowy winter for the midwest...'

'Mrs Fenton, next time we have a neurotic snowman booked, get the payment up-front!'

"I hear that march is coming in like a lineman and out like a lamb...I just wanted to be prepared."

'Stan, perhaps you can stop into my office on Monday. I don't want to ruin your weekend.'