Nighttime Worrier Gifts

'I gotta have a drink of water but not that stuff! I heard on TV it may be full of toxic chemicals!'

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

"Don't be afraid if you see a Martian. There's no such thing."

'You know I can't sleep until everyone is in for the night.'

A Hole in the Dike

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

I.T. Fear

I hate monday mornings.

Typical...the weather is lousy all week...then on the weekend it's too sunny to work.

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

Questions

Things that go beep in the night.

Separation Anxiety

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

You guys were right! Screaming profanities is more satisfying than howling these days.

'Ten things you should be worried about.'

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

'I'm not convinced you need tranquillizers to switch phone provider.'

"We have to recognise that severe weather events are becoming more common. . ."

Weather reporter feels guilty every time it rains.

"...went to sleep. And then Mr. Donkey became very quiet and drowsy and he went to sleep. And then Miss Mouse became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then Mrs. Bear became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then..."

Nervous Kid sees the dentist's toolkit.

"I can't stop thinking about all those available parking spaces back on West Eighty-fifth Street."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

Scarecrow.

"Hurry up and pick that lock. I'm hungry and it's freezing out here."

"The cause of your illness is the approaching winter."

"With rain in nearly every forecast, probably because of global warming, you know what's coming...so officially, we are now News & Sports at Six."

"I woke up early, took a shower, got dressed for work then remembered I don't work today."

"I know there's safety in numbers, but I suffer from enochlophobia: Can you help me?"

Before we begin tonight's dream, a word from our sponsor...

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

'Read that part again where it predicts a cold, snowy winter for the midwest...'

"I hear that march is coming in like a lineman and out like a lamb...I just wanted to be prepared."