Midlife Self-discovery Gifts

'I'm more of a woman now than when Marvin and I married - About forty pounds more.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

Man stood by signpost to 'here' or 'there'.

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

"Existentialist Trail. Get lost then found. Nietzsche Park System"

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

A woman is as young as she feels like admitting to.

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

The Map of the Human Heart

"Follow that dream!" (man boarding taxi)

"Is this who I am?"

"If you're trying to find yourself, Mr. Ludlow, just ping your phone."

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

Planned service changes

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

"My inner child feels threatened by my inner baby."

Truth

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'