Midlife Self-discovery Gifts

'I'm more of a woman now than when Marvin and I married - About forty pounds more.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

Man stood by signpost to 'here' or 'there'.

ZZZZZZZ Top

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

"Existentialist Trail. Get lost then found. Nietzsche Park System"

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

A woman is as young as she feels like admitting to.

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

The Map of the Human Heart

"Follow that dream!" (man boarding taxi)

"Is this who I am?"

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

"If you're trying to find yourself, Mr. Ludlow, just ping your phone."

Planned service changes

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

Truth

"You used to be that ambitious."

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

"My inner child feels threatened by my inner baby."