Midlife Gamer Gifts

"These kid computer games are so hard to learn that I've decided to skip my second childhood."

ZZZZZZZ Top

Middle-Age Superheroes

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Midnight Basketball

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"You want to grow a ponytail? OK...as long as it's not from hair growing out of your ears."

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

How Gary got his groove back.

Lawrence of Suburbia

Game Addiction

"This next one's for you, babe."

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

Parkour for the over-40s.

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

He comes by sometimes to tell me he quit my job, bought a convertible and is going to open a brewpub. Midlife crisis actor.

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

I'm 40! Oh. Well happy birthday. A lot of people wouldn't be happy about turning 40. But I'm thrilled! I've been looking forward to my midlife crisis for a long time. I've got it all planned. First I'm going to buy a sports car. Then I'm going to leave my family for someone half my age who really GETS me. Then we're going to embark on a road trip filled with booze, shoplifting and debauchery. Anyway, what's your most dangerous drink? I want something that says "I'm letting the tiger in me out to

'Dad, what were you like when you weren't a kid?'

'Grown-ups sure make playing a lot of work.'

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

James Bond Getting Old and Playing