Midlife Gamer Gifts

"These kid computer games are so hard to learn that I've decided to skip my second childhood."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

Midnight Basketball

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

"You want to grow a ponytail? OK...as long as it's not from hair growing out of your ears."

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

How Gary got his groove back.

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

Lawrence of Suburbia

Game Addiction

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

'Grown-ups sure make playing a lot of work.'

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'