Metaphor Gifts

"Nation-building never works."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Why is there so much emphasis put on our stupid race?" "I think people are more interested in it as a metaphor than as an actual race." "Slow and steady wins the race, that sort of thing." "That would explain why I always lose..." "Bartender, another please." "Maybe you should slow down." "You never learn do you?"

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

"National Metaphor Day by the looks of it."

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

Is plagiarism the same as value adding?

'...she still can't manage a decent sports metaphor.'

"You want answers?" "I want the truth!" "You can't handle the infinite explanation of cosmological arguments relating to the truth!"

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

Guru. It's not some kind of zen metaphor --- I really do have an invisible fence!

'I predict that the next big trend will be spontaneous non-existence.'

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

Poetry repairman

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

Virginia Foxx Caricature

'So push has come to shove...'

"I've been feeling a bit empty lately."

'He's trying to fine-tune the economy again.'

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

The Nature Writer Writer.

Introduction to Metaphysics.

"What can you tell me about the meaning of death?"

"Inside you there are two wolves..."

Philosophers studying meta-physical chemistry.

'This is the eight hundred and sixty-seventh day of my captivity - How about you?'

Poet becomes a puppeteer for his own hand.

Life can be beautiful, Al. But for you, the fly in the ointment is your self-loathing. So, my question to you is, what's the fly doing in the ointment? The backstroke!

A bird's song is trapped in a musical stave.

'Remember, Stevens, things are rarely what they appear to be.'

Miss Underhill's School Of Writing Sample Lesson