Metal Barrel Maestro T-Shirts

Skeleton Drummer

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

1 Only Smart Hammer Instructions

Computer Music

'There was a slight accident in shop class. I welded my braces together.'

"We can't agree on a size."

'It's worse than outsourcing. Instead of hiring foreign labor, they got bought out by foreign management.'

The Gong

"Richard P. Ruggles—a man and his mantelpiece."

"Wow! This car has a continental kit, train horn, smoothed-out firewall, polyurethane bushings and a 2400-CFM fan! I have a long way to go!"

Elwood 'I Can Fix This Myself' McGrunzen

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

Happy Birthday! I wasn't sure what sort of music you like...

'I will now play a selection of digital audio files I downloaded today.'

'I think you're going to love it! Our award-winning chef microwaved them to perfection.'

"Compliments to the chef. It really is superbly cooked!"

'I play heavy metal.'

Setbacks in the development of the rubber mallet.

Those four microwave dings you just heard indicate that dinner is ready, Lance. Hop to it! Unlike some individuals I know, I am not one of Pavlov's wolverines.

"You still working on your car?"

'What do you mean, you're not hungry? - Your mother spent two minutes cooking that in the microwave just for you!'

'Nothing to do? Why don't you read the refrigerator.'

"You're just pushing my buttons about all-microwave cooking ... aren't you?"

'Absent any details, in purely visual terms, I like it.'

Dad's Diner - 'The best in frozen foods'.

"Dang! This guy's good!"

Male Voice Choir: Tenor, Baritone and Bass

"I was going to make a seven course gourmet dinner, but the microwave is broken."

Ronald couldn't grasp his instructor's insistence on his using oils rather than his preferred medium, watercolour.

'Your car has failed it's MOT.' - 'Oh, b***ocks.' - 'I'm going to replace your lambda control.' - 'I don't even know what that is...' - 'It's expensive. That's all you need to know. My little blue victim.' - 'Gah.'

'Come on, Raymond, we haven't reached our credit limit yet!'

'Got a quarter?'

When Focus Group Researchers Go Head to Head

'I just got a text from HQ. Whatever it is we do, it ain't rocket science.'