Medal Maestro T-Shirts

"This one is for selling video game rights for my life story."

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

1 Only Smart Hammer Instructions

'There was a slight accident in shop class. I welded my braces together.'

"... and come out fighting, boys."

"Holy hell. I should not have based my whole personality around this..."

Cat Olympics

The Gong

Arnold's clone refuses to workout: 'You're a huge disappointment, dude.'

"Wow! This car has a continental kit, train horn, smoothed-out firewall, polyurethane bushings and a 2400-CFM fan! I have a long way to go!"

The weight of winning gold.

Happy Birthday! I wasn't sure what sort of music you like...

Moses conducts the Red Sea orchestra.

The Violin Artist

"Admit it ... you were hexting while driving again."

'Nothing to do? Why don't you read the refrigerator.'

'Spend all morning on a cryptorchidectomy...'

A bulge of bodybuilders

"Of course, black magic is more expensive than white magic. Do you think that the pigments are free?"

'Absent any details, in purely visual terms, I like it.'

Male Voice Choir: Tenor, Baritone and Bass

"How long have you been delusional?"

Fortune Teller using a satellite to help pick up clairvoyant signals.

'Got a quarter?'

'Your car has failed it's MOT.' - 'Oh, b***ocks.' - 'I'm going to replace your lambda control.' - 'I don't even know what that is...' - 'It's expensive. That's all you need to know. My little blue victim.' - 'Gah.'

Tarot Lying

'I can't do next Friday'

"It might be time to start training your legs!"

"We're reviewing the security tape to see if you made it into the garage before the warranty ended."

A blacksmith shaping a horse shoe on an anvil.

"Noise? Noise?!! That was Bullet for my Valentine!"