Messy Play Lovers Pillows

'I don't know why you use the lid to this thing. It's so much more fun without it!'

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'Peekaboo!'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

Newborn Chaos

'The sleepover was great Mum: Timmy's house is a pigsty just like ours...'

"Once I have the motor skills, I'll be knee deep in pudding every. Damn. Day."

'No, we are not going on an extreme picnic.'

Little boy dragon

Boyfriend scores notches on wall by bed.

Ball pit

'I envisioned something more robust'

'How do I know your ours?'

'You're honoured, Mr. Coombes - He won't do that for just anyone!'

"I've been interfacing with mud."

"Trust me, boss, he knows his pies...he just needs more retraining."

Valentine's Day calls for a romantic candlelight dinner and soft music. Then a trip back to my place for some heavy groping and groaning.

'Don't worry about a thing, my Mom doesn't believe in spanking.'

"Your three minutes are up — it's Daddy's turn!"

'You have to clean it yourself. There is no delete key.'

"My decorating style is more like 'Flung Shui'."

'We were mud wrestling.'

'Previously on 'Mummies and Daddies...''

'And that one is the mistake I made in Act II, Scene III, line 14 of Hamlet.'

'I am transferring to another day-care center. I am not getting enough playing time.'

The Garrick Theatre

"Honey, did you call for a free estimate on a 3 bedroom, 2 bath tree house?"

Merry Widow

'Thomas won't stay off the stage. He loves his part in the school play - he's the commercial.'