Messy Eater Humorist Gifts

'Honey, your burrito is getting away.'

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

'10,000 years and no one's improved on the idea of meat on a stick!'

"You've got some food or something in your moustache."

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.

"No, it's still just a thirst for spaghettios."

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'

"Do you want ketchup on your steak too?"

"I've had enough sweets for one day."

'That was the best 'Filet Magnon' I've had in a while.'

"This? It's my Thanksgiving outfit. It's already pre-stained in cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie."

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

"It's not he worst meal I've ever eaten, that was your dinner yesterday."

"I feel like I can't trust myself around food."

What can I get you? Coffee? Tea? Sandwich? The mackerel mocha sounds lovely. What's in it? The usual. Chocolate. Soy milk. Mackerel. Yes, but is the mackerel farm-raised or from the sea? Ocean. Atlantic? Pacific? Indian? Arctic? Antarctic? I'm not sure. Oh. Ok ... well what's the mackerel's mercury content? Negligible, I'm sure. Ok. Was it exposed to any chlorine? Or copper sulphate? Or malathion? Was it treated with kindness? Was it read stories and sung to before bedtime? Yes. Never mind, it s

"It's not a Jackson Pollock T-shirt, it's the pizza I had for lunch."

'Yeah, my mum never forces me to try something new, but then again, we always eat the same thing...'

"Skunk! How is it?"

'It was probably the curds and whey that really frightened Miss Muffet away.'

"This Bounty is useless against the Quicker Messer Maker."

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

"It's hard to believe...one chocolate biscuit can spread quite so far."

Messy Eater

'Steady on,sir-that's not quite what it means!'

'Andy STILL hasn't got the hang of spaghetti..'

"Gesundheit!"

'Sorry,Sir - we only have the one.'

"I'm such a trend-setter! I wear a bib, and now mom does too!"

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away...can it be a candy apple?"