Messy Divorce Gifts

'This is the third year in a row I'm being audited. Might this have something to do with the fact that I'm your ex-husband?'

"I knew it was a mistake to order our wedding cake from your ex-husband's bakery!"

"My ex weighs at least 5 lbs and is 23 inches. He usually hangs around the old dock, and prefers worms. Remember, you didn't hear it from me..."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

"And should you get divorced, promise you won't sue me."

It went even worse than I expected - She got custody of the kids and me.

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

'I'd like to return this, it turns out my wife bought one last week.'

"Honey, you've forgotten your grief case."

Outside the Divorce Court.

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

"I see great wealth for your lawyer, ex wife and doctor"

"Omigod! It's the breakfast I made him for his birthday!"

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

"Then one day he said, 'It's either me or the damned cat!'"

"You've come to the right lawyer. I not only do divorces, I also specialise in bankruptcy proceedings."

'There's really no need for confusion. Part 95 of section 33 of Article L in your prenuptial agreement clearly states ... '

THE EX-FILES, 'It's about people who have trouble with their former spouses.'

'My wife left me, but the good news is I get to keep the igloo...'

'Breaking news. . . I've just found out my wife has left me.'

Relate

...thirty-nine years young, recent divorcee, lifestyle includes a canine leitmotif....

"I feel like Brunnhilde, but in 'The Kentucky Cycle.'"

"Lover’s leap" "Wife toss"

'You did what during his backswing?'

'Harland, we want a divorce.'

First straw, last straw and the ones inbetween.

Congratulations on your Divorce