Merriment Muncher Gifts

Santa eats too many mince pies

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

"No, dude. Smoke the grass first. Then eat the candy."

"How's everything here? Let's start with your earliest childhood memories."

'I've told you time and again, if you didn't east so fast, you wouldn't swallow so much flotsam.'

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

"I just spoon-fed the media a pound of really old salmon."

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"Sugar, trans fats, and an adorable dead baby lamb. Cash back?"

Babies who Lunch.

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

"They're sound bites."

Pizza and Related Searches.

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

"Oh, I listen to my body at meal time, but the messages aren't clear because its mouth is full!"

A worm sits in comfort as he has just eaten 4 apples by himself...

'OK, remain calm. Who's missing? Milk? Eggs? Cheese? Where'd they go? How much do they know? And will they talk?'

'Surely you're not going to believe everything you see!'

"When you came down for a snack last night, did you see a plate of dog food in here?"

"Cemetery Pie"

Theater Usher Moms.

Merry Christmas!

'And a one, and a two, and a three, and a four...'

'I couldn't put it down... I had peanut butter on my hands.'

'I saw my trainer eating here, and that's good enough for me.'

Meditation Munchies

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

"The food must be good here. Look at the drool on the menus."

'Diet!...Diet!...Diet!...'

Thoughtful kiddies' midnight snacks overtax my bulging slacks … The load I haul back to my shack is bigger than the one I packed.

Al's Health Spa: You are what you eat.

"Just one menu for us, please. We don't want to overeat."

"So … ribs for lunch?"

'I'm on a diet -- I only eat illusory things.'