Mystery Muncher Gifts

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

'C'mon, Bill, LOOK at the evidence! A fabulous home-made crust, fresh apples, raisins, gourmet vanilla ice cream, and no sign of a struggle. This guy was definitely killed by kindness!'

"It appears it's middle was licked out."

"How's everything here? Let's start with your earliest childhood memories."

'I've told you time and again, if you didn't east so fast, you wouldn't swallow so much flotsam.'

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

"Sugar, trans fats, and an adorable dead baby lamb. Cash back?"

Babies who Lunch.

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

Pizza and Related Searches.

"Oh, I listen to my body at meal time, but the messages aren't clear because its mouth is full!"

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

Storefront reading "Net 'n' Nosh (Formerly Books 'n' Java)"

A vampire using ground pepper on his new victim.

A worm sits in comfort as he has just eaten 4 apples by himself...

"When you came down for a snack last night, did you see a plate of dog food in here?"

"Cemetery Pie"

"Hang on - this one's a Malteser!!"

'Surely you're not going to believe everything you see!'

'I couldn't put it down... I had peanut butter on my hands.'

'OK, remain calm. Who's missing? Milk? Eggs? Cheese? Where'd they go? How much do they know? And will they talk?'

'We only get an hour for lunch, so your best bet is to brown-bag it.'

"The food must be good here. Look at the drool on the menus."

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

Meditation Munchies

"So … ribs for lunch?"

'Diet!...Diet!...Diet!...'

'I'm on a diet -- I only eat illusory things.'

Al's Health Spa: You are what you eat.

"Just one menu for us, please. We don't want to overeat."

Actually, it's healthier to eat smaller meals more often throughout the day.

Thoughtful kiddies' midnight snacks overtax my bulging slacks … The load I haul back to my shack is bigger than the one I packed.