Mystery Muncher Gifts

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

'C'mon, Bill, LOOK at the evidence! A fabulous home-made crust, fresh apples, raisins, gourmet vanilla ice cream, and no sign of a struggle. This guy was definitely killed by kindness!'

"It appears it's middle was licked out."

'I've told you time and again, if you didn't east so fast, you wouldn't swallow so much flotsam.'

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

"Sugar, trans fats, and an adorable dead baby lamb. Cash back?"

Babies who Lunch.

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

Pizza and Related Searches.

"Oh, I listen to my body at meal time, but the messages aren't clear because its mouth is full!"

Storefront reading "Net 'n' Nosh (Formerly Books 'n' Java)"

A vampire using ground pepper on his new victim.

A worm sits in comfort as he has just eaten 4 apples by himself...

'We only get an hour for lunch, so your best bet is to brown-bag it.'

'Surely you're not going to believe everything you see!'

'I couldn't put it down... I had peanut butter on my hands.'

"When you came down for a snack last night, did you see a plate of dog food in here?"

"Cemetery Pie"

'OK, remain calm. Who's missing? Milk? Eggs? Cheese? Where'd they go? How much do they know? And will they talk?'

"The food must be good here. Look at the drool on the menus."

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

Meditation Munchies

'Hello, Room Service? Send up the works!'

"So … ribs for lunch?"

"Just one menu for us, please. We don't want to overeat."

Al's Health Spa: You are what you eat.

'Diet!...Diet!...Diet!...'

'I'm on a diet -- I only eat illusory things.'

'I'd like the low-cal enchiladas, the low-sodium corn chips, and the diet margarita.'

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'