Mep Gifts

Swedish Pirate Party.

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

At the rock concert...

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

The best PE teacher in the World.

"Well, at least we know she died peacefully."

'He always tees off like that. He used to throw the discus in college.'

"The torch is passed, but since the company is going green, I'm passing a high efficiency, solar powered multi LEC prism spotlight."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

Westview High School Soccer League Victory Dinner

Rock musician playing a dog as a guitar

'Is this any way to treat a budding genius?'

'Since the playing field was sold off we've become a centre of excellence for one-a-side football.'

'We finally do have meaningful tax reform, sir. This year's form is printed on recycled paper.'

Resusci Annie takes a well-earned vacation.

"It's an Orville Rickenbacker - Great for recording 'pop' music."

'Cheer up, you may be last in gym, but you're first in mental arithmetic...'

Unexpected Error

'Roy Rogers is ambused'

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

"Mental note to self: rethink theory of survival of the fittest."

Now, gentlemen, doesn't the smaller table make these board meetings more cozy?'

'Forget your two million pound recording contract. When are you going to get a steady job?'

How To Spot A Politician

"In my day I played a pretty mean cowbell."

'This is the third one today. Why can't the gynecologists have their convention someplace other than Vegas?'

"Dude, I figured out why your solos sound so bad - that thing's actually a bass."

Thinning Hair/ Erectile Dysfunction/ One Foot in the Grave.

Medieval CPR

A paramedic-in-training's nightmares.

PE teacher teaching football tactics. Boy sat in corner with dunce cap.

"Will he be okay?"

"Primal scream therapy drawbacks."

Required Reeding.

'Did you drop this £20 note, Sir?' 'Ooh, YES!' 'That will be a £50 fine.'