Menu Wizard T-Shirts

'If you're asking me, I'd recommend the perfect peppered steak from the resturant next door!'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Fast Food Menu Selections

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"Anything but milk and cookies."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

'Whatever he's eating.'

"I recommend number five if you have only $20 so that you can still leave a tip."

'Now what? Everything I can pronounce is OFF!'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"....and hold the garlic."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'