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A la Carte

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

MKT Diner

"....and hold the garlic."

"Chicken's off"

"You get free veggies when you order meatloaf -- We call it the 'peas dividend.'"

Fast Food Menu Selections

'Yes, we do serve children, but not as meals.'

"What do you have that doesn't taste like me?"

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

Come dine with me!

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

"Is the MSG local?"

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

'Men's cooking'

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."