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Coffee shop menu flow chart.

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

"I'm not quite ready to order. My lawyers are still studying the menu."

"Sure, we have a vegetarian menu. And menus that cater to those dealing with anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating, as well as other less-popular eating disorders."

'This customer wants 'a coffee' - do we serve those?'

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

"...the soup of today is more or less yesterday's chef's special......"

'Do you have any coffee?'

'You've been studying the menu since early morning, surely you must be ready to order!'

"What'll it be - one large risk or several small ones?"

'I suppose you'll be having the Shepherd's Pie?'

'Finally have an expense account and I'm always on a diet.'

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"The barista was fast, but it took me 15 minutes to figure out the menu."

"When I'm not running, I read...usually menus."

"Life is complicated. Ordering coffee should be, too."

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

"Are we dining fine, quick casual, bistro, family style, buffet, fast, food truck, box or bag?"

"I recommend number five if you have only $20 so that you can still leave a tip."

"'No' to that, too, eh? Then, may I suggest something we were going to throw out?"

"If you are calling to bitch, press 1..."

"A number of items on that menu are consistently chosen by an overwhelming majority of the American people."

'Careful,dear- don't order anything you can't pronounce.'

"Page 1 is 'Best-Sellers.' Page 2 is 'Advice, How-To, and Miscellaneous,' and on the back is 'And Bear in Mind.' "

'I read menus in restaurants. I don't listen to menus on the telephone!'

"If you order that, you will impress me."

'I'll have double order of today's special.'

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

'On the menu, everything looks so awful.'

'Now what? Everything I can pronounce is OFF!'

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

"Which entrée raises the fewest ethical issues?"

'Your check? Certainly,sir -- would you like it itemized?'

'I would go with salmon on this one.'