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"Nothing, thanks - I'm just looking."

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

Fast Food Menu Selections

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

National Coffee Day

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

Coffee

"....and hold the garlic."

"I recommend number five if you have only $20 so that you can still leave a tip."

Coffee Menu

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Whatever he's eating.'

'Now what? Everything I can pronounce is OFF!'