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the complicated phone call

"Press 1 to hear all about our services online even though all you really wanted was to talk to an actual person in person so bad luck there. . . Press 2 to throw the phone down in disgust..."

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

'You know, you can do this all online now.'

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

Coffee

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"I recommend number five if you have only $20 so that you can still leave a tip."

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'Whatever he's eating.'

'Now what? Everything I can pronounce is OFF!'

Coffee Menu

'The customer is always right...'

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'Hard or soft science?'

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

Heart Disease Menu