Menu Philosopher Gifts

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

The Origins of Everything

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

Surprise in the salad bowl

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"Is it free-range?"