Menu Mishap Enthusiast Gifts

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

Kitchen Kapers

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'How is the water prepared?'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"Do you want ketchup on your steak too?"

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'I'm sorry we put bearnaise sauce on your fillet by mistake. Randy will have it off there in a jiffy.'

'Tonight's menu is bound in Moroccan leather, with a touch of Flemish calligraphy on hand made paper.'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'One businessman's lunch and one lackey's lunch.'

'. . . the Winter of Discontent Soup, Arab Spring Roll, Summer Madness Salad and The Season of Mellow Mists Fruit Medley.'

Hi. I'm Jonathan. I'll be your judge this afternoon. Legal Menu.

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

"The scallops were delicious, but the fork was dismal!"

'I told you not to order the stake.'

'That's weird. All this fortune cookie says is 'look out!''

"No, no, no, my wife said she'll have a quiche!"

'You ate the styrofoam, and left the meringue.'

"Why, yes, we have expanded our menu."

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

"Mom, Dad, can we stop reading the reviews, I'm hungry!"

'Are you sure you are not allergic to seafood.'

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

"Allow me to point out today's special. Our profit margin's immense on that."

"If my writing reflected my reading, I'd probably just be writing menus."

'Our chicken patties are beef and pork.'

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

At The Skinny Customer Restaurant

"And you say this was the serving suggestion?"