Menu Curator Gifts

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chops

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

Squirrels Stockpiling Mulling Spices for Winter

"Is the MSG local?"

Party time.

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

Fast Food Menu Selections

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

'How is the water prepared?'

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"....and hold the garlic."

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

"If Sinatra had eaten here he'd have loved it."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

'...or, if you're watching your cholesterol, we also have thousand-year-old egg substitutes.'

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'Tonight's menu is bound in Moroccan leather, with a touch of Flemish calligraphy on hand made paper.'

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"Our menu never claims that our meat is barbecued. It just says that it's covered in barbecue sauce."

The Seafood House. Comic Waiters. The Seafood House now has comedians for waiters. Fish and quips!

'Carb or non-carb section?'

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"