Cuisine Curator Gifts

Charles Forte

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

Squirrels Stockpiling Mulling Spices for Winter

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

The Kitchen area of a Whitechapel Boarding House

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

Redecorating Easter Island.

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

Culture clash

'You may well have eaten fresher fish before but not in this restaurant. . .'

'Well, it's about time!'

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'

'...or, if you're watching your cholesterol, we also have thousand-year-old egg substitutes.'

"'Market Price' isn't about the food. It's what we think we can charge YOU."

"When dad cooks dinner, it's hard to tell if he's opening cans for us or the cat."

"Me and my family are Equatorists. We worship an imaginary lion that runs around the earth forever."

Taste of the east (London).

"Instead of 'It sucks' you should say, 'It doesn't speak to me.'"

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chops

Vicar overcharged at butchers, but too embarrassed to complain

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

Haile Selassie

'Care to form a splinter group?'

The passage of time.

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'

'That brush - how many dpi?'

"I don't like the food here, but the photos I paot make my friends envious."

The Evolution Of Manhood

A man carves a totem pole

"I call it 'Organised Cabinet Number One'."

'I think Beatrix wants to show you her latest video installation.'

'Oh great, Mexican again...'

"I resolve to cook more traditional meals like my lengua casserole and pig's feet stew!"