Cuisine Curator Gifts

Charles Forte

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

Squirrels Stockpiling Mulling Spices for Winter

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

The Kitchen area of a Whitechapel Boarding House

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

Redecorating Easter Island.

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

Culture clash

'Well, it's about time!'

'You may well have eaten fresher fish before but not in this restaurant. . .'

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'

"'Market Price' isn't about the food. It's what we think we can charge YOU."

'...or, if you're watching your cholesterol, we also have thousand-year-old egg substitutes.'

Mime on invisible phone in restaurant.

Taste of the east (London).

"Me and my family are Equatorists. We worship an imaginary lion that runs around the earth forever."

"When dad cooks dinner, it's hard to tell if he's opening cans for us or the cat."

"Instead of 'It sucks' you should say, 'It doesn't speak to me.'"

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chops

'Care to form a splinter group?'

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

Vicar overcharged at butchers, but too embarrassed to complain

Haile Selassie

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'

'That brush - how many dpi?'

The passage of time.

The Evolution Of Manhood

"I don't like the food here, but the photos I paot make my friends envious."

Leo Brouwer

"I call it 'Organised Cabinet Number One'."

'I think Beatrix wants to show you her latest video installation.'

A man carves a totem pole

"I'm sorry, Pierre, you're just one too many."