Mental Health Ponderer Gifts

'I'll have you know that I'm 100% psychobabble-compliant!'

"Needs to get a life"

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

The Chicken Who Crossed the Road, in therapy. My motives are always being questioned!

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Max Weber

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

Unsmiley face at the psychiatrist...

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Well, I feel a lot better - he says there's a method to my madness.

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

'Guess what! I got my act together! And this is it!'

"Adolescence can be a very trying time, Mr. Alcorn."

Caption Contest TK

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

The Human Condition

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

"You what? Well, you darn well ought to have a guilt complex"

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

I see

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

Creator's Remorse

"This sense of remorse... should I be concerned?"

'My therapist cured me of using humour as a defence, these days I pack a .45.'