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"Sometimes I can't remember if I'm good cop or bad cop."

'You realize, of course, there's nothing wrong with me. . . I'm only here 'cause of your 50%-off-first-visit coupon and I am not a serial bargain shopaholic.'

"Yes, you've mentioned this 'Facebook' in the past—tell me, is 'Facebook' saying anything right now?"

When billionaires get depressed. I feel like a million bucks.

'May I suggest a course of therapy Mr Silver. 15 men is an awful lot to get off your dead man's chest in just the one session.'

My therapist once said people like that are often... Therapist?! What if she's some kind of nutter??

"Start at the beginning? Is that before or after I created heaven and earth?"

'I've started hearing voices in my head, but, y'know . . . it's a bit of company . . .'

"Sounds like you're suffering from slow self-esteem."

"Zumting has caused dis great trauma...any idea vhat?" "Well...we were at a red light watching the guy in the car next to us eat French fries...then...alll of a sudden, she looked right at him and he...he...lit a cigarette."

'Patient has tendency to submissive behavior but this is not totally disagreeable.'

'Make it snappy. I prefer my couch at home.'

". . . but he's almost four and he hasn't been labelled yet!"

"One coping mechanism I suggest to deal with uncertain times is to eat as much as you can, gain a lot of weight, and then go have a nap for six months or so."

"Why don't I have a psychiatrist's couch? Funny, my psychiatrist asked me the same thing."

In the future, human thought will enter an age of clarity and purity never before dreamed of.

The Map of the human brain

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

Sigmund Freud.

Unguided imagery

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

The Chicken Who Crossed the Road, in therapy. My motives are always being questioned!

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'Occasionally the Dr. asks me to get real with people.'

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

'Life is like a trough, Mr. Fisk. How much slop you get out of it depends on how much slop you put into it.'

"I should warn you that many of John's thoughts are subliminal."

"Have you tried just giving your head a shake?"