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"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'I guess my problem is I've never really had anyone to look up to.'

After a fruitless 18 years search over five continents, Joe Golez finally finds himself in the Gents of a flee-bitten bar in downtown San Antone.

'When you said you're a contrarian, I just assumed you meant your investment style, Mr. Kobenz.'

'Don't you see Rick - your slump is just a success neurosis. You found your .394 average dangerous, because you fantasised that it would bring about resentment.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Try thinking about something else."

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

"Am I sensing fear?"

"How can you expect anyone else to believe in you when you don't believe in yourself?"

"You always get to be the therapist! I never get to be the therapist!"

". . . but he's almost four and he hasn't been labelled yet!"

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

"Thanks to modern medicine, we now have drugs to make any season the season to be jolly."

Psychiatrist with bust of Freud

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

'I feel like such a failure: They have to process my milk to make it low-fat...'

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

'You lost your home and farm. Do you want to talk about it?

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

Unsmiley face at the psychiatrist...

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

"Why do you feel you have an inner conflict?"

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

'Oh, honey, what a lovely house... We'll place the couch here, the cupboard there and my psychiatrist right here!'

'Since I've been identifying with you, I've been appointed director of the Millwood Psychiatric Institute.'

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

''Normal' seems too much to shoot for ... but maybe I can keep you out of the nuthouse.'

"You must learn to let go."