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'I feel like such a failure: They have to process my milk to make it low-fat...'

'And where does this sex-maniac girlfriend of yours live?'

"Perhaps there is such a thing as being too well informed."

Therapist Spanking

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE DECOR

'An alternative to having me psychoanalyze you is to write a book and have the critics do it.'

'With all those problems, you should go to see a therapist!'

'I had a very unhappy egghood....'

"I feel as if I'm living on a desert island."

"...and what are your earliest memories?"

"You always want to be the patient. Have you ever wondered what that says about you?"

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

X-ray Psychology.

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

Psychologist's receptionist to man: 'I'm afraid I cancelled your appointment - the doctor has decided you don't exist.'

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"Leon, do you think it's all psychological?"

'You again? You know it's called a mid-life crisis, not mid-week!'

"I've been getting really excited about squirrels even when my dog isn't with me."

"My approach is nontraditional, but from a uniquely Western perspective."

"To be fair, I think you should be very clear about the ground rules with your next jester."

"She can forgive Nixon, but she can't forgive me."

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

'Do you know how much it cost me to LEARN all this psychobabble?'

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'