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Won't admit he has a problem. Won't even admit he's the patient.

'Before I can put you in touch with reality, you'll have to sign this release form.'

"We're out of Prozac, but here's a piece of paper where you can write down all the things you like about your life."

"And then she said, 'You're wearing that to the psychiatrist?'"

''Normal' seems too much to shoot for ... but maybe I can keep you out of the nuthouse.'

"You've been a big help. I finally feel like I have my head on straight."

We're making progress, but it's still too early to be breaking out the party hats and noise-makers.

"Looks like the placebo has helped your depression!" "Great! Give me a double dose next time!"

Shipping and Handling Your Emotions

Therapist and patient reading help books.

"Grab a lollypop on your way out."

'…and so you see your unfulfilled hopes and ambitions in the form of the mailman.'

Thanks! I'm not allowed on the furniture at home.'

Paranoia Clinic. Book on sale outside is titled; 'I'm OK, You're Out To Get Me.'

Even people who write self-help books can get writer's block.

Honk If You *Heart* Yourself.

''An inferiority complex'? -- is that the best problem you can come up with?'

'It was his last session.'

'I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you to sort my head out.'

"We've made such good progress with your stress management levels, that I feel able to risk a small setback."

Happiness Thief

One day Bob Gurkenman had simply stopped watching the news.

'Nobody takes me seriously. I may as well be invisible.' - 'Come in.'

SELF-ESTEEM CLINIC, 'The little-bitty door is a nice touch.'

SELF-ESTEEM CLINIC, 'The little-bitty door is a nice touch.'

"It's been a rough year, but slowly, I'm starting to feel entitled again."

"If you guys didn't crack me up so much I'd have you committed."

"I've been an emerging artist for ten years now..."

Therapy Dog

"Ok, I'm confused. – Which is it? Wear the mask or shed the mask?"

"The antidepressants must be working because I haven't felt like crossing the street in months."

"We have to consider your 'new normal' considering the increase in mind numbing drugs."

"This is very good, Mr. Carter!"

"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."