Meeting A Penfriend Pillows

"Apparently she's your Philippino penfriend come to visit"

'You have failed on all counts...'

"Can you tell me the story again about how you swiped right on Dad?"

Writer's Strike

'Eat. Sleep all winter. These are your resolutions?'

Ancient man

'No problem...'

Barking Today - 'I always bark for no reason whatever.'

No.1 best-selling book on college campuses - 'How to say 'send money' in 101 languages'.

Dip Pen Bouquet

Convict playing the violin

'It's Eau de Merlot. If it weren't for this, I never would have met your father.'

"Dear Grandma, thank you so much for my birthday gift! My very first fountain pen!"

Postman

"Do those shoes taste funny to you?"

MAIL CALL AT THOMPSON, HALVERSON, SPIELMAN & OSGOOD

Report on Plagiarism - 'You've copied all this off the internet...'

"I'm worried about Dad, he's got invisible friends"

The End Of My Pen's Ink Supply Is Nea

'You're lucky: I can't have a penpal 'cause we don't have a fixed address...'

"I told the dating service I hated the bar scene. I suppose you did, too."

'This is a ball and chain letter.'

Be a pen pal and make someone's day.

"We're not friends-she just e-mails me things I'm not interested in."

'Wait till you meet him, Mom! He reads books, has a checking account, and can even write script!'

"I don't fetch sticks, I acquire them."

'I'm writing to my penfriend - what's French for 'parents', 'old-fashioned' and 'unreasonable'?'

"You are entitled to one call, one fax, or one E-mail."

'You can expect to get twenty years for this, and I don't mean 'doggie years'!'

'That's a coincidence, I just got bailed out, too.'

Writing a letter

'When you said you wrote to prisoners on death row I thought ou offered spiritual guidance.'

"Of course I know how to text message, only I use a pen and paper and call it writing a letter."