Meeting A Penfriend Gifts

"Apparently she's your Philippino penfriend come to visit"

'You have failed on all counts...'

"Can you tell me the story again about how you swiped right on Dad?"

Writer's Strike

'Eat. Sleep all winter. These are your resolutions?'

'No problem...'

Ancient man

Barking Today - 'I always bark for no reason whatever.'

I'm interviewing for a new walker.

No.1 best-selling book on college campuses - 'How to say 'send money' in 101 languages'.

"Do those shoes taste funny to you?"

Dear Abbey

Dip Pen Bouquet

Convict playing the violin

'It's Eau de Merlot. If it weren't for this, I never would have met your father.'

MAIL CALL AT THOMPSON, HALVERSON, SPIELMAN & OSGOOD

"Dear Grandma, thank you so much for my birthday gift! My very first fountain pen!"

Postman

Report on Plagiarism - 'You've copied all this off the internet...'

"I'm worried about Dad, he's got invisible friends"

The End Of My Pen's Ink Supply Is Nea

'This is a ball and chain letter.'

"I told the dating service I hated the bar scene. I suppose you did, too."

Be a pen pal and make someone's day.

'You're lucky: I can't have a penpal 'cause we don't have a fixed address...'

"We're not friends-she just e-mails me things I'm not interested in."

'Wait till you meet him, Mom! He reads books, has a checking account, and can even write script!'

"I don't fetch sticks, I acquire them."

"I couldn’t get a date on the outside and now I’m swamped with marriage proposals!"

'I'm writing to my penfriend - what's French for 'parents', 'old-fashioned' and 'unreasonable'?'

"You are entitled to one call, one fax, or one E-mail."

'You can expect to get twenty years for this, and I don't mean 'doggie years'!'

'That's a coincidence, I just got bailed out, too.'

Writing a letter

'When you said you wrote to prisoners on death row I thought ou offered spiritual guidance.'