Meditation Joker Gifts

'How will they know how enlightened you are, if you don't advertise?'

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

"To listen to your instincts, press one."

I am one with stupid.

Man tries to build a traditional Indian Guru bed using flatpack furniture.

Jim's Smart Kettle

Psychobabble.

"An apple? Doesn't he have any pizza?"

Wash hand before making sound of one hand clapping.

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

'I'm trying to become enlightened, but my stomach keeps growling and interrupting me!'

"Psst! I got mantras. You need a mantra? Mantras right here..."

"I'm not finished exercising. I still have a couple of laps to go."

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

"Hang on a second! This nutcase is allowed on the furniture, but I'm not?!"

'I think things went wrong for me in the fifth round.' 'In hindsight, was that a good time to begin meditating?'

Football crazy

"I don't need roughage that badly!"

Bob had trouble connecting with nature, whereas nature seemed to have no trouble at all connecting with Bob.

"Look! Now they offer healthy choices we can glance at before ordering our usual junk."

Warning: Eating this food could result in a decrease of health benefits

"This year I'm getting in shape."

'Can I use your mantra today? - I forgot mine.'

"Wine and women are off but can sing as much as you like!"

'Becoming enlightened fifteen minutes before I did doesn't EITHER give you seniority!'

"Processed food was his undoing. He was eating a salad sandwich in the warehouse, when a pallet of pork pies fell on him!"

'Nobody's looking -- how about a third-eye opener?'

Look Enlightened - Here comes the Guru.

"I've been meditating as hard as I can and nothing happens."

'Scram! -- I don't endorse candidates!'

The mummified remains of about 40 Buddhist monks were discovered in China, Mongolia and India. All the mummies were found sitting in the lotus position. Many believe that these monks sat so still, meditated for so long, and slowed their heart rates and body functions so much that they became mummified alive ... and they believe that whether those mummies are 200, 600, or 1,000 years old ... they're still alive. Where'd you hear all that? "Strange Mysteries." It's a Youtube channel. I wrote to th