Meditation Explorer Gifts

"Avoid sitting."

Zen Buddhist Diary

"Make it quick Carl, I've gotta 'be present' in about text minutes."

'Actually I'm meditating on a bizarre anime that I saw last night.'

'Nobody's looking -- how about a third-eye opener?'

'Are you sure about this? -- Enlightenment isn't for sissies.'

The Power of Fatalistic Thinking.

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'

"That's my new mantra. . . 'woulda coulda shoulda'?"

In the future, human thought will enter an age of clarity and purity never before dreamed of.

'The creative process works best with a relaxed brain, so I'm letting my mind wander to let a solution drift in.'

The Map of the human brain

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"And these are the Fab Four Noble Truths."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

Sigmund Freud.

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

My God, I need to fart.

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"You left your demons here last week."

Unguided imagery

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Zenemies.

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

Meditation

"Yes, sir, Dave. Out here, under the big sky, I always get back in touch with who I am."

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

'It says, 'Life is like a transistor.''