Medieval Maniac Gifts

"Why did you become a crusader? You don't even go to church."

King Richard III

"I know - what if I promise them change?"

'You're just lazy! -- Don't give me that 'metal fatigue' stuff!'

"I suppose it does him credit - he never was big on facing reality."

King Richard I

Dragon Barbecue

'Forget about the Holy Grail for now - I want you to look for weapons of mass destruction.'

"Hey. . . I can see my house from here. . .!"

'Try to avoid eye contact.'

Tar umbrellas for sale at viking attack

'Spell checker!'

'Let one more dragon get away and I'm busting you all the way down to peasant!'

'I'm commuting your sentence - We'll still cut your head off, but we won't carry it around on a pike.'

'Watch what you're doing with that, or you'll have somebody's eye out!'

'Is "I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your castle down" the best intimidation we can come up with!!'

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

"Damn King Arthur and damn his round table."

"The cockpit is now open for those wishing to see authentic cockfighting, as performed in medieval times."

"Sheesh... Missed a button again."

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

oh no - here comes the national trust again...

'I wish I had a horse.'

'I like it, but I feel dungeons are a more enlightened way to go.'

The knight and the dragon again

'Sorry, Dear, but it was either this or tighten the money supply.'

'Oh, you know, the usual...just working.'

"It's another birthday card for me...!"

Armored knight's shield Severe Tire Damage.

'GESUNDHEIT, EVERYBODY!', 'That's his idea of universal health care.'

'Oh, that's Mordred -- I'm treating him for Arthur-itis.'

Guess How Many Swords in the Stone and Become King. Wow! They have really lowered the bar!

Whoa, you're right! I didn't know we even sold dragon insurance.

In his case it's not "feudalism," it's "futile-ism"!

"Did you have to build so close to the property line?"